Doing What You Love

“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.”

Alexander Don Heijer

I used to wake up every day feeling so drained, and wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep for the rest of the day because I couldn’t see anything good in the day ahead of me. That’s what my depression felt like.

Things got better over time, as I got better at simply living. Recognizing all of the beauty in life. Noticing and appreciating the things I have to live for. But I would still wake up unhappy and fighting the growing dread in my stomach upon waking up. It’s not every day anymore, but it still happens every now and then.

That’s part of the reason why I’m writing this blog! To share my journey to becoming a happier, healthier, more fulfilled person. Because it feels shitty to be sad and unexcited about life.

And that’s why the quote above resonates so deeply with me. Because I know, deep in my core, that when I’m not happy it’s because I’m not filling my life with the things that truly make me happy. I’m tired and unhappy because I’m not doing enough of that which sparks the light inside of me.

I know this, because I know what it feels like to be on the other side. Like when I’m on vacation, I’m happy! As in, unrecognizably energetic and ready for anything. When I do get tired, it’s because I’m exhausted from all of the fun, adventure, and new experiences I’ve just had. I can get by on half the sleep I usually need when I’m on vacation, because I’m just so energized by life! It’s like I’m a different version of myself.

I want to be that version of myself all the time.

I understand I can’t always be on vacation (yet…?) but what I can do, right now, is fill my life with things that excite me and energize me. I wrote a post sharing some quick and easy, super basic things that help bring light and joy into my day (read it here: How to Make A Bad Day Better). These aren’t groundbreaking tips, but I will say they’ve made a significant difference in my life.

While little injections of things that bring you joy can help make everyday life more enjoyable, my deeper why needs to be satisfied to truly sustain me and keep me out of the dark. I need to feed myself more of that which sparks a light in me, to keep that light inside burning and shining bright. My light gets dimmed easily, and that’s a lot of what this blog project is about – figuring out ways to keep my light burning, and then share that with you! (Hence the name “Sharing Sparks” — which I may change one day, but trust when I say it was head and shoulders above the other options I came up with lol.)

When I’m pursuing something I love – like reading a book I’m really into; watching a show I really enjoy; working on a project where I find the process itself really satisfying (like knitting, art, decorating desserts, gardening…) – that’s when I feel what that sweet spot of motivation and energy feels like.

My goal is to find that intersection between my passion(s), and where I can bring value to others (or, provide service to the world). That is where I’ll find a career that I love, that I can do for the rest of my life without burning out (or until I make a career change to do something else I love!) That sweet spot is where joy and fulfillment lie.

And I believe that everyone can find this sweet spot, but we’re just not really taught about that. Or if we hear about it, it’s not commonly believed to be true – it’s the elusive unicorn! Or it’s just not valued (“Oh you think you’re going to make money doing something you love? Try working hard for 60 hour weeks.”)

Almost everyone I know is working at a job that they hate, or a job that drains them of their energy so that they just want to sit around and do nothing after work and on the weekends. But that’s fucking depressing!

Imagine if we were all doing the shit we loved, and woke up feeling amazing every day, and hit the pavement with an enthusiasm for life every single morning, and went to bed at night feeling full and at peace with the day’s events? And what if everyone around us saw that, and our kids knew that this is what they had to look forward to when they grow up?

The other day, I got a reality check when I realized I’d been complaining about work way more than I realized. I was on the couch, working on my laptop, probably responding to a work email. Probably wearing the look of distaste on my face. My daughter (she’s four) came up to me and said, “Mom, I’m sorry you hate work so much.” That fucking floored me. She’s not supposed to know that I hate work! She shouldn’t know what that struggle looks like, even if it is there. I want her to know that work isn’t some shitty thing you have to resign yourself to doing for the majority of your life, just waiting until retirement to enjoy life again. Having her reflect that back at me, I realized that I want better for her. And for that to happen, I need better for myself. Starting now.

The thing is, I know that there are people out there, living their dream life, right now! And I’m on my way there.

As I go down that path, I’m making a commitment to myself to seek joy and work on things that move me forward and into a life I love. I want to be the person who takes action toward creating my dream life, instead of sitting around passively and complaining about how I’m not “there” yet. The future will always be in the future, but I can change my present right now. I can take the steps to do something I care about, something that motivates me and gives me energy to keep going, that I can look forward to every day.

And I am, through this little project! Even if no one reads it, that’s ok – because the joy I am getting out of doing this, just for myself, having something to pour myself in, is feeding the light inside of me.

And that alone is worth it 🙂

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